you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
