You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
