Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You made out with two different species that night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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