But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
