He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
