I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
