im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
