Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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