you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
