That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
