youre lurking in front of me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
