Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
