At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
