So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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