there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
