Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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