my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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