tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
