So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
