I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
