best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
