I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
