yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
