my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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