My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
