And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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