I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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