Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize