New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
