i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so let's talk penis.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
