week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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