His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
