I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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