she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
