Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
