I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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