Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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