dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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