maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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