HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
