she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I touched a dick in church today
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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