dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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