Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
