Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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