at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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