just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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