hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
