so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
