there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
