do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
