So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
