Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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